Jack
by FlutieCutie
Summary: No matter what she did, he would be forever emblazoned on her heart and in her mind.


_Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack._

His name kept running through her head. She tried squeezing her eyes shut to make it stop, only to be met with the image of his face. No matter what she did, he would be forever emblazoned on her heart and in her mind. If she thought carefully about it, she didn't really want it any other way. She was terrified that one day she wouldn't remember what he looked like, what he sounded like, what he smelled and felt like. Even with pictures, videos, and spraying her pillows with his cologne, she felt like she was going to lose him. But she already had; Jack was gone.

It had been months since the six of them had returned from that island for good, but she was still there. Yes, she had gotten on that plane and flown away, but she would be on that beach, in that jungle, on that cliff, for the rest of her life.

She hated that she had spent so much of their last weeks and months together being angry with him and ignoring him. After they had blown the bomb, she wasn't mad at him anymore; she was just too stubborn to tell him she was still in love with him, that she had never _stopped _being in love with him. It always took things getting shot to hell for the two of them to ever share their feelings with each other. It took the finality of the final goodbye for them to make things right. She would have given anything for that moment to last forever, but even forever wouldn't have been long enough.

There were many nights when she would lie awake and wonder what exactly happened to him. Had he suffered? Was he alone? What had been his final thoughts? Did he know she loved him? She had told him, yes, but did he _know_?

Whenever she did manage to sleep, her dreams were saturated with everything Jack. Memories would play out like movies. Sometimes they wouldn't be memories, but the future she wished they'd been able to have. They were together, they were happy. But then she would wake up and have to face the reality of being alone again. It had gotten to a point where she wished she would never wake up.

He would have been disappointed that she felt like giving up. She knew that. So she kept going. She tried to make up for every minute she spent pushing him away by living like he would have. She never passed up an opportunity to play with Aaron, now her nephew, because Jack would never be able to again. She took walks in the park almost every morning because he had loved the sunrise, and watching it with her. She helped people every chance she got, because he had rubbed off on her.

Even though she was alone in the world now, she saw him everywhere she went. Any time Aaron smiled or laughed, Jack was there. Whenever someone on the street was unsuccessful in their attempts to hail a taxi, she laughed because he never had much luck with that either. Every time the wind blew around her, she felt his arms wrap her in a hug, the kind only Jack could give. With each sunrise and sunset, he told her good morning and wished her good night. Some may have called it, and her, crazy, but no matter what it was, it comforted her.

She knew that the pain of his absence would lessen. It would never go away, just as _he_ would never go away, but it would not run her life forever. One day, she would wake up and not feel guilty and saddened for leaving the island and her dreams. Someday, she would be able to walk past his picture or hear his name without stopping and feeling an unbearable ache in her chest.

Eventually those things would happen. But for now, she would kiss his picture every morning and night. She would sleep in a pair of his old pajamas. She would wear the ring he had given her all those months ago. For now, she would hold onto Jack for dear life. For the time being, she would see his face whenever she closed her eyes, and his name would keep running through her head.

_Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack._

_A/N: Tried something different. This was completely made up as I went along, so I guess I hope it's not too terrible. I didn't use "her" name anywhere in this on purpose, as sort of an artistic thing. But I think we all know who "she" is. If you liked it, let me know. If you hated it, let me know. I don't own anything. In true 'Lost' fashion, folks: Namaste. _


End file.
